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Teach you a few tricks to deal with the elders "Spring Festival torture" original title: teach you a few tricks to deal with the elders "Spring Festival torture" article / Zhou Gongzi (columnist) "the Spring Festival now, how to deal with the elders of torture" has become a hot topic. Many young people think of reunion would worry, afraid of the elders around their love, marriage, family income, and promotion of the privacy of all sorts of questions. More people come up with a "universal pattern", expected to read cooked, all of every echo what the books say to the elders, through those embarrassing moments. This phenomenon is widespread, reflects nowadays some family characteristics, namely the psychological function between family members is not complete, often caused by the intrusion of each other. For example, some people love torture others privacy, "I want to get a very strong feeling. The normal heart is inferior, not self-made confidence, so special love from the younger generation, their powerful sense of plunder "Spring Festival torture" often is this: ask yourself, "no marriage, there is no income how to buy a house," and so on; then, they began from "education" you, "not to be too picky ah, should pay attention to saving money to buy ah ah, the house should be early"; or, they will show you, "my daughter with you, early fruit, son-in-law rich, is now home to several houses, ha ha ha……" This phenomenon is likely to be a lack of confidence, in an attempt to raise their performance. Such people often torture the privacy of others off the reel, completely regardless of others’ embarrassment, discomfort and even protest, just say happy — although, sometimes they also stressed that "I care for you", but in fact, the real people who care about you will take care of your feelings, you do not want to say, they will kindly stop and look at what your interests are, and then go on to adjust. Talk to them, the atmosphere will be of mutual benefit, benefit each other, both sides feel happy. In contrast, in an attempt to raise their own people you are not, they focused solely on himself, at the expense of your privacy, blow your self-esteem, in order to get a feeling of satisfaction. Encountered such a "Spring Festival torture", if you feel good, do not feel very puzzled, then you can also make a coachable way to praise them when they show off applauded the holidays to coax them happy, is also a kind of honor. However, if you work in marriage, etc. there are also many unhappy, really don’t want to let the elders ask, then, don’t force yourself, you have to do is, don’t cheat them, don’t let them think you really love this one, don’t flatter, don’t force yourself long time listen to their discipline". You only need a polite response, then leave. When you are able to respond to accompany them, such as filial piety, is sincere. In fact, the elders "Spring Festival tortured", in addition to obtaining the strong sense, there will be other different psychological motivation. For example, some people want to be concerned about the feeling. They will ask about this and that, but not necessarily care about the answer. They talk to you, the only purpose is to feel you by my side, you in 4

教你几招应对长辈“春节拷问”   原标题:教你几招应对长辈“春节拷问”   文/周公子(专栏作家)   现在,“春节如何应对长辈拷问”已成为热门话题。许多年轻人一想起团聚就担心,害怕长辈围绕他们的恋爱、婚姻、生育、收入、升迁等隐私问长问短。更有人想出一套“万能句型”,期望念熟后,对每一个长辈都照本宣科,以便度过那些窘迫的时刻。   这个现象广泛存在,反映出时下一些大家庭的共性,即家庭成员之间的心理功能不够完整,经常造成互相入侵的情况。   例如,有些人爱拷问他人隐私,就是想获取一种“我很强大”的感觉。这种人平时内心比较自卑,无法“自造”信心,所以特别喜欢从后辈身上掠夺强大感——他们的“春节拷问”往往是这样的:先问你的个人情况,“结婚没,收入怎么样,有没有买房子”等等;然后,他们就开始居高临下“教育”你,“别太挑啊,要注意存钱啊,房子应该早买啊”;或者,他们会显摆自己,“我女儿跟你不同,早结了,女婿家有钱,现在家里几套房子,哈哈哈……”   这种现象,很可能就是一种缺乏自信、企图抬高自己的表现。这种人在拷问他人隐私时经常滔滔不绝,完全不顾他人的尴尬、不适甚至抗议,只一味说个痛快——虽然,他们有时也会强调“我是关心你”,但实际上,真正关心你的人会照顾你的感受,见你不想说,他们就会体贴地停下来,看看你的兴趣是什么,调整之后再继续谈下去。和他们谈话,气氛会互利互惠,彼此都有获益,双方感觉愉快。相比之下,企图通过你抬高自己的人则不会,他们把焦点完全放在自己身上,不惜牺牲你的隐私,打击你的自尊,以此来获得满足的感觉。   遇到这样的“春节拷问”,如果你感觉还行,不觉得非常困扰,那么你也可以做出一副虚心受教的样子,称赞他们,在他们炫耀的时候鼓掌欢呼,大过节哄哄他们开心,也是一种孝敬。   但是,如果你自己在婚姻、工作等方面也有很多不快乐,实在不想让长辈问下去,那么,不要勉强自己,你要做的,就是千万不要骗他们,不要让他们以为你很喜欢这一套,不要过分夸赞,也不必强迫自己长时间听他们“训导”。你只需要有礼貌地应答,然后离开。等你能够应对的时候再好好陪他们,这样的孝敬,是真诚实在的。   其实,长辈的“春节拷问”,除了获取强大感以外,还会有其他不同的心理动机。   例如,有些人是想获得“被关注”的感觉。他们会问这问那,但不一定关心答案。他们和你谈话,唯一的目的就是感受“你在我身边,你在关注我”——对于这种长辈,你不必太介意答案。如果有些事,你不想回答,略过也可以。反而是平时多点主动关心他们,这才是最重要的。   有些人是想梳理自己的思路。他们会问你的婚姻、工作、收入情况,然后迅速地、大篇幅地引出自己的困扰,比如“我闺女死活不肯相亲,儿子总是啃老,我都不知道怎么办”——这种长辈最终的目的是解决自己的问题,或者为自己的不如意吐吐槽。面对他们,你可以完全不提自己的事,直接围绕他们的生活去谈。如果,你愿意这样做的话。   还有一些长辈的目的很单纯:就是找话题。他们不习惯沉默,总觉得,大过年的就是应该相谈甚欢。如果出现冷场,他们会很焦虑,担心年味不浓了,所以一急之下,有时就会把话题引到你的隐私——对待这样的长辈,你记得要淡定。不想答的,你也可以绕过去。既然他们需要一个话题,那你提供一个话题就是了,餐桌上的鸡、屋外头的雪、春晚的明星、压轴的角儿……热热闹闹地,一个年就过去啦。 责任编辑:黄睿 SN224相关的主题文章: